The Shadow Work Journal

Fill In the Blank:

I always feel like I'm the ugly one. Reading/watching online content and self help info is how I manage to escape. Doing absolutely nothing brings me peace. I am so tired of feeling fat and ugly and feeling taken for granted but excited about trying new things and watching the kids create wonderful lives I want to try to fulfil a purpose in the world so that I can finally feel valuable. For some reason, I always end up feeling like a loser. I deserve to be thought of as a priority and have my feelings validated.

Reflection Questions:

"Why am I sometimes seduced into a lack mentality?"

I think that internally I cannot remember a time when I felt like I was enough. I cannot remember a time when I felt like I was good enough, pretty enough or loved for who I am rather than what I do.

"What self-improvement techniques can I use to replace my negative thoughts into a more empowering belief about myself or the situation?"

I have tried affirmations and where they fail for me, is that there are a lot of statements that simply do not ring true to me, so trying to convince myself to say affirmations that feel like a lie, only compound my inner stress and turmoil. An idea that a friend of mine offered was to start using affirmations that can feel true. Saying things like "I want to appreciate myself more" or "I want to believe that I am valid and worthy."

"What kind of thinking do I need to adopt in order to step outside my limiting beliefs and focus on what excites me?"

I'm not really sure what to say here. I think maybe that the optimist vs pessimist dichotomy that I have heard about for forever, is a tricky thing because life has taught me that it is downright stupid to be optimistic about anything. I have been experimenting with healing my inner child and with self healing and taking accountability to heal my trauma, but the majority of the time I feel like I am languishing in an in between world. A world where things are not awful but they are also not phenomenal or amazing.